It's getting so close. I thought at this point I would be bounding out of bed in the morning, so excited to wrap things up and be on my merry little way back to the States. Instead, as my 5am rooster crows, I find myself wanting to just hide. I would so much rather disappear in the night than have all this attention that I am leaving, the goodbye parties, the gifts, etc. It's overwhelming. But Filipinos don't need an excuse to throw a party, so you can imagine what its like when they do have a reason. I'm knee deep in packing (how I have acquired all this stuff in two years is beyond me...my family and friends definitely win the award for most-consistent care-package-sending), visitors keep dropping by with goodbyes, well wishes, and gifts to take with me (no, i CANT TAKE MANGOES! i wish...), everyone in my neighborhood wants to know what I'm getting rid of and can i have it and are you REALLY throwing that away?? I want it! Let's factor in the fact that its upwards of 100 degrees, and every little face that asks me "Ate Carrie, uwi ka na? Kailan mabalik?" makes me have to fight back the tears.
Yes, you precious little things, I am leaving. And no, I'm probably not coming back. How do I say that? So I lie. Yes, maybe in 5 years....I tell them. But even if I do, the girls at my center will no longer be there, and they are the ones that are hardest to leave. Peace Corps' slogan is that it's "The toughest job you'll ever love". It's not tough to love. It's tough to leave.
